you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
