We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
