I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
