After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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