As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
