go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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