you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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