I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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