Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
