I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
