Pants 0. Shit 1.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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