Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
