It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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