ugly people sure do ruin things
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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