i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
