I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
