is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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