I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
