I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
