i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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