Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
