He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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