i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
