I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
