Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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