What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
