so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
