I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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