oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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