just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
