if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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