he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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