My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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