Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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