I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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