Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
