Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
