$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
