you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
