I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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