why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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