Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
