Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
