I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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