I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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