ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
