My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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