i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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