You can't motorboat a personality
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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