He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
